i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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