you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
