Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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