i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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