so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize