Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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