I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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