i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
