how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
