I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Too much gin, very little bucket
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
