So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
