I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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