i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
