if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
