I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
how drunk are you?
Several
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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