I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
