I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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