Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
