lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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