Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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  (515): does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine http://tfl.nu/uuy6
  Replies (2) Good night (1282) Bad night (664)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to

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  (720): What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to http://tfl.nu/xbm0
  Replies (33) Good night (1773) Bad night (4520)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

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  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3710) Bad night (12634)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me

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  (321): i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me http://tfl.nu/5b8j
  Replies (10) Good night (3149) Bad night (1111)
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  (914): View more from New York

  This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.

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  (914): This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive. http://tfl.nu/c66s
  Replies (11) Good night (1191) Bad night (4110)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

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  (314): DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT?? http://tfl.nu/2vmn
  Replies (13) Good night (5992) Bad night (1953)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.

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  (610): you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster. http://tfl.nu/4s0b
  Replies (10) Good night (1267) Bad night (4002)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.

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  (860): Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/foqn
  Replies (5) Good night (976) Bad night (1508)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.

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  (803): Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class. http://tfl.nu/uw6v
  Replies (5) Good night (1055) Bad night (1355)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.

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  (208): That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality. http://tfl.nu/t1cp
  Replies (9) Good night (1138) Bad night (638)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie

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  (440): Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie http://tfl.nu/g1ng
  Replies (3) Good night (1058) Bad night (705)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.

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  (773): there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him. http://tfl.nu/ujhc
  Replies (4) Good night (1399) Bad night (356)
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  (714): View more from California

  I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?

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  (714): I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot? http://tfl.nu/k7t2
  Replies (3) Good night (267) Bad night (584)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.

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  (716): Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/8ftw
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (220)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up

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  (231): I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up http://tfl.nu/hchm
  Replies (3) Good night (450) Bad night (164)

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