Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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  (484): New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/xws1
  Replies (47) Good night (4745) Bad night (1609)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

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  (660): Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport... http://tfl.nu/e5jz
  Replies (12) Good night (4310) Bad night (1017)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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  (360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl
  Replies (3) Good night (3499) Bad night (1347)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.

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  (240): Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle. http://tfl.nu/z4p0
  Replies (4) Good night (2112) Bad night (1079)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...

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  (253): sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident... http://tfl.nu/dmae
  Replies (16) Good night (1802) Bad night (1329)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?

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  (517): Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much? http://tfl.nu/63ru
  Replies (10) Good night (3237) Bad night (821)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

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  (484): during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me' http://tfl.nu/06rz
  Replies (8) Good night (6164) Bad night (796)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.

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  (503): I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/skdm
  Replies (6) Good night (628) Bad night (1494)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.

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  (541): I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out. http://tfl.nu/0h9b
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (365)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  That's my new pick up line call me a polish name

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  (773): And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad. (1-773): That's my new pick up line call me a polish name http://tfl.nu/jbx5
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (309)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?

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  (217): Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form? http://tfl.nu/k9ye
  Replies (5) Good night (354) Bad night (546)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.

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  (907): Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication. http://tfl.nu/ibud
  Replies (0) Good night (357) Bad night (471)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected

  (1-310): View more from California

  Only you would come out as bi like that

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  (310): I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected (1-310): Only you would come out as bi like that http://tfl.nu/6y64
  Replies (2) Good night (752) Bad night (246)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.

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  (805): I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever. http://tfl.nu/ftkt
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (258)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.

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  (+44): There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room. http://tfl.nu/hg5g
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (329)

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