I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".