I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember