its not stalking. its research.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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