just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
