i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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