Got a toothbrush?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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