I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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