you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
