He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
