all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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