The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
