So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
