Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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