i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
