in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think a kid would responsible me up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
