some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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