piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
