The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
