as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
