Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
