i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
