Midget sex pt 2 tonight
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
