Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
