So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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