i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
