Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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