I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
