Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
