I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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