i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
