When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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