True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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