if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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