They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
