Farmville is her only friend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
