I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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