Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
