Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
