I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
