i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
