my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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