Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
