i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
