Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
