I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
