he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
