Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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