I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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