i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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