4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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