Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize