She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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