she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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