He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just had sex bonerless
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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