Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
