I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
