would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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