When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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