Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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