Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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