he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
