yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
