He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
