So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
